第十四章（第5/15页）

"Then came Bertha Coutts. They'd lived next door to us when I was a little lad, so I knew "em all right. And they were common. Well, Bertha went away to some place or other in Birmingham; she said, as a lady's companion; everybody else said, as a waitress or something in a hotel. Anyhow just when I was more than fed up with that other girl, when I was twenty-one, back comes Bertha, with airs and graces and smart clothes and a sort of bloom on her: a sort of sensual bloom that you'd see sometimes on a woman, or on a trolly. Well, I was in a state of murder. I chucked up my job at Butterley because I thought I was a weed, clerking there: and I got on as overhead blacksmith at Tevershall: shoeing horses mostly. It had been my dad's job, and I'd always been with him. It was a job I liked: handling horses: and it came natural to me. So I stopped talking "fine", as they call it, talking proper English, and went back to talking broad. I still read books, at home: but I blacksmithed and had a pony-trap of my own, and was My Lord Duckfoot. My dad left me three hundred pounds when he died. So I took on with Bertha, and I was glad she was common. I wanted her to be common. I wanted to be common myself. Well, I married her, and she wasn't bad. Those other "pure" women had nearly taken all the balls out of me, but she was all right that way. She wanted me, and made no bones about it. And I was as pleased as punch. That was what I wanted: a woman who WANTED me to fuck her. So I fucked her like a good un. And I think she despised me a bit, for being so pleased about it, and bringin' her her breakfast in bed sometimes. She sort of let things go, didn't get me a proper dinner when I came home from work, and if I said anything, flew out at me. And I flew back, hammer and tongs. She flung a cup at me and I took her by the scruff of the neck and squeezed the life out of her. That sort of thing! But she treated me with insolence. And she got so's she'd never have me when I wanted her: never. Always put me off, brutal as you like. And then when she'd put me right off, and I didn't want her, she'd come all lovey-dovey, and get me. And I always went. But when I had her, she'd never come off when I did. Never! She'd just wait. If I kept back for half an hour, she'd keep back longer. And when I'd come and really finished, then she'd start on her own account, and I had to stop inside her till she brought herself off, wriggling and shouting, she'd clutch clutch with herself down there, an' then she'd come off, fair in ecstasy. And then she'd say: That was lovely! Gradually I got sick of it: and she got worse. She sort of got harder and harder to bring off, and she'd sort of tear at me down there, as if it was a beak tearing at me. By God, you think a woman's soft down there, like a fig. But I tell you the old rampers have beaks between their legs, and they tear at you with it till you're sick. Self! Self! Self! All self! Tearing and shouting! They talk about men's selfishness, but I doubt if it can ever touch a woman's blind beakishness, once she's gone that way. Like an old trull! And she couldn't help it. I told her about it, I told her how I hated it. And she'd even try. She'd try to lie still and let me work the business. She'd try. But it was no good. She got no feeling off it, from my working. She had to work the thing herself, grind her own coffee. And it came back on her like a raving necessity, she had to let herself go, and tear, tear, tear, as if she had no sensation in her except in the top of her beak, the very outside top tip, that rubbed and tore. That's how old whores used to be, so men used to say. It was a low kind of self-will in her, a raving sort of self-will: like in a woman who drinks. Well in the end I couldn't stand it. We slept apart. She herself had started it, in her bouts when she wanted to be clear of me, when she said I bossed her. She had started having a room for herself. But the time came when I wouldn't have her coming to my room. I wouldn't.

“这时，贝莎·库茨登场了。童年时代，她就住在我家隔壁，彼此十分熟悉。她家人都庸俗不堪。哦，贝莎自称陪同某位贵妇，去了伯明翰的什么地方；但所有人都清楚，她不过在某家旅店做侍应生什么的。总之，我当年21岁，正烦透了第二任女友，这时，贝莎荣归故里，丰姿绰约，仪态万千，衣着华贵，光彩照人。那种感官的愉悦，有时能在女人身上找到，有时则来自某辆崭新的电车。我当时简直生不如死。我辞掉巴特利的工作，因为不想做个微不足道的小职员，回到特弗沙尔做起井上铁匠，多数时间负责钉马掌。那是我父亲的老本行，而当年我总喜欢和他呆在一起。我中意那份差事，愿意料理马，因为这符合我的天性。于是，我不再“咬文嚼字”，大家都这么说，不再讲标准英语，重新操起本地土话。我仍会读书，在家里读。但还继续着铁匠生涯，还混上辆轻型马车，我叫它“达克福德勋爵”。父亲去世时，留给我300英镑。所以，我将贝莎泡到手，我喜欢她那股俗劲儿。我希望她俗到骨子里。也希望自己变得跟她一样。呵，我甚至娶她过门，她并不那么差劲。那些“纯洁”的女人几乎把我的懒子废掉，而她在那方面却令人满意。她想要我，而且从不掩饰自己的欲望。这让我心满意足。这就是我需要的：一个渴望性爱的女人。于是，我就尽量满足她的欲望。我乐此不疲，有时甚至把早餐都给她端到床上，因此，她有些瞧不起我。她简直像个甩手掌柜，我放工回到家，根本连顿像样的晚餐都吃不上。要是我稍有怨言，她就会破口大骂。我也反唇相讥，跟她闹个不可开交。她朝我扔茶杯，我便掐住她的脖颈，几乎将她扼死。此类事情屡见不鲜！可她总是蛮横地对待我。每当我向她求欢，总会遭到拒绝，吃到闭门羹。她想尽方法敷衍我，极尽残忍之能事。后来，因为屡屡被搪塞，我兴致全无，她却变得情意绵绵，主动向我示好。而我总是做出让步。可云雨之时，她从不愿与我共享高潮。从未有过！她只是干耗着。要是我能挺过半小时，她就会挺得更久。我彻底完事之后，她才开始弄自己的，身体扭动着，嘴里淫叫着，而我还得硬挺着等她达到高潮。她的下身夹紧再夹紧，最终攀上欢愉的巅峰。云收雨住后，她会感慨道：简直太爽了！我逐渐厌倦了这种畸形的性爱，而她却变本加厉。她高潮时的动作越来越猛，拼命用下身撕扯我，如同生着锋利的鸟喙。天呢，你或许认为，女人的下体柔软得像颗无花果。可我要告诉你，那些老娼妇两腿之间都长着铁嘴，会没完没了地撕扯你，直到你忍无可忍。自己！自己！自己！只有自己！撕扯着，叫喊着！她们总怨男人自私，可是，若碰到这种疯狂撕扯为能事的荡妇，男人只能自愧不如。简直像个老妓女！而她也是欲罢不能。我曾经跟她谈过此事，告诉她我多么讨厌这样。她甚至也尝试过改变。她试着静静躺在床上，任我驰骋。她确实试过。但却毫无用处。我无法让她体验到任何快感。她只能自己满足自己，自己的咖啡自己磨。就这样，她又回到以往那种近似于癫狂的状态，放纵自己，撕扯，撕扯，再撕扯，好像除了喙尖之外，全身上下都已失去知觉，只有通过拼命的摩擦和撕扯，那里才会体验到快感。人们常说，久混欢场的女子都是如此。她恣意妄为的性格是那样的卑贱和疯癫，跟醉生梦死的酗酒者没什么两样。到最后，我终于忍无可忍。我俩分床睡。事情因她而起，她发起脾气，想我从视线中消失，她说我欺负她。她不再与我同房。后来，我也不再让她进我的房间。再也不想跟她有任何关联。”