第十四章（第4/15页）

“既然这样，你干嘛不离婚？她终有一天会回到你身边。”康妮说。

He looked up at her sharply.

他抬头望着她，目光锐利。

"She wouldn't come within a mile of me. She hates me a lot worse than I hate her.” "You'll see she'll come back to you.” "That she never will. That's done! It would make me sick to see her.” "You will see her. And you're not even legally separated, are you?” "No." "Ah well, then she'll come back, and you'll have to take her in.” He gazed at Connie fixedly. Then he gave the queer toss of his head.

“她根本就不会想回来。她对我的恨甚至更深。”“等着瞧吧，她终归会回来找你的。”“她绝对不会。毫无疑问！看到她我就觉得恶心。”“你还是会见到她。你们并没有依法办理离婚手续，对吗？”“没有。”“那么，如果她回心转意，你就必须收留她。”他目不转睛地盯着康妮。然后，他点点头，动作有些怪异。

"You might be right. I was a fool ever to come back here. But I felt stranded and had to go somewhere. A man's a poor bit of a wastrel blown about. But you're right. I'll get a divorce and get clear. I hate those things like death, officials and courts and judges. But I've got to get through with it. I'll get a divorce.” And she saw his jaw set. Inwardly she exulted. "I think I will have a cup of tea now," she said. He rose to make it. But his face was set. As they sat at table she asked him: "Why did you marry her? She was commoner than yourself. Mrs. Bolton told me about her. She could never understand why you married her." He looked at her fixedly.

“你或许是对的。回到特弗沙尔是个愚蠢的决定。但我当时走投无路，总要找个容身之所。堂堂男子汉总不能四处流浪。但你说得没错。我会去办理离婚，跟她做个了断。我对那种事深恶痛绝，政府官员啦，法庭啦，法官啦……可我还是会完成这项使命。去把婚离了。”康妮眼见他紧咬牙关。内心禁不住狂喜。“我现在想来杯茶。”她说。他站起来为她沏茶。但脸上的表情依然坚决。两人在桌边落座，她问他：“你为何会娶她？她根本配不上你。博尔顿太太跟我讲过她的事。她弄不懂你干嘛要娶她。”他目光不错地看着她。

"I'll tell you," he said. "The first girl I had, I began with when I was sixteen. She was a school-master's daughter over at Ollerton, pretty, beautiful really. I was supposed to be a clever sort of young fellow from Sheffield Grammar School, with a bit of French and German, very much up aloft. She was the romantic sort that hated commonness. She egged me on to poetry and reading: in a way, she made a man of me. I read and I thought like a house on fire, for her. And I was a clerk in Butterley offices, thin, white-faced fellow fuming with all the things I read. And about EVERYTHING I talked to her: but everything. We talked ourselves into Persepolis and Timbuctoo. We were the most literary-cultured couple in ten counties. I held forth with rapture to her, positively with rapture. I simply went up in smoke. And she adored me. The serpent in the grass was sex. She somehow didn't have any; at least, not where it's supposed to be. I got thinner and crazier. Then I said we'd got to be lovers. I talked her into it, as usual. So she let me. I was excited, and she never wanted it. She just didn't want it. She adored me, she loved me to talk to her and kiss her: in that way she had a passion for me. But the other, she just didn't want. And there are lots of women like her. And it was just the other that I did want. So there we split. I was cruel, and left her. Then I took on with another girl, a teacher, who had made a scandal by carrying on with a married man and driving him nearly out of his mind. She was a soft, white-skinned, soft sort of a woman, older than me, and played the fiddle. And she was a demon. She loved everything about love, except the sex. Clinging, caressing, creeping into you in every way: but if you forced her to the sex itself, she just ground her teeth and sent out hate. I forced her to it, and she could simply numb me with hate because of it. So I was balked again. I loathed all that. I wanted a woman who wanted me, and wanted IT.

“我会原原本本地跟你讲。”他说。“我初恋时只有16岁。她父亲是位奥勒顿某间学校的校长，她长相很标致，甚至可以算是美女。当时我刚从谢菲尔德语法学校毕业，对法语和德语稍有涉猎，大家都认为我年轻有为，而我也自视甚高。她天性浪漫，厌倦庸庸碌碌的生活。她鼓励我努力读书，钻研诗歌，从某种程度来讲，是她造就了今天的我。为了她，我发奋读书，全心投入。当时我在巴特利事务所任职，身材瘦削，面容白皙，沉浸在自己阅读的作品中。我俩无话不谈。从波斯古城波利波利斯，聊到西非名城廷巴克图。十乡八镇再也找不出我们这样文学素养高深的情侣。我跟她交谈起来，总是滔滔不绝，欣喜若狂，绝对是如痴如醉。我简直飘飘欲仙了。她对我崇拜得五体投地。但隐藏在草丛中的毒蛇是性爱。她算不上性感，至少并非前凸后翘。我日益消瘦，日渐疯狂。后来我对她说，我们应该成为情人。像以往一样，我顺利地说服了她。于是，她委身于我。我兴奋异常，她却意兴阑珊。她觉得性事索然无味。她仰慕我，喜欢听我说东道西，喜欢我吻她，如此说来，她深爱着我。但除此之外，她却没有半点兴趣。像她这样的女人不在少数。但令我向往的恰恰是其他的事情。因此，我俩之间产生了裂痕。我残忍地抛弃了她。之后，我搞上另外一个女孩，是位教师，曾有过一段风流韵事，跟个有妇之夫纠缠不清，差点把那个男人逼疯。她性情温柔，皮肤白嫩，年纪比我大，还会拉小提琴。她简直是个妖精。恋爱的种种，她都情有独钟，只是对性事敬而远之。拥抱，爱抚，想尽方法跟你调情，但若要强行与她做爱，她就会咬碎银牙，出离愤怒。我逼她成其好事，而她那厌恶的表情让我兴致全消。于是，这段恋情再度告终。我讨厌这种有情无性的关系。我要的是既能接纳我，又乐于性事的女人。”