第十七章（第11/18页）

梅勒斯先生住在他母亲那里，每天穿过花园去树林巡视，而她却将农舍占据。并且四处传播谣言。最终，梅勒斯先生和汤姆·菲利普斯去了趟农舍，几乎将所有家具和被褥取走，连抽水机的手柄都拧了下来，她也只好滚蛋了。但她却没回斯塔克斯门，而是住进贝加里的斯万太太家，因为她嫂子同样不愿接纳她。她三天两头往梅勒斯母亲家跑，缠着他不放，还发誓说他在农舍里跟她上过床。她还请了位律师，要求他支付赡养费。她比以前更膘肥体壮，更下贱无耻，身体结实得像头牛。她四处散播他的坏话，他怎样跟别的女人过夜，婚后他怎样虐待她，以及他对她做过的种种兽行，具体的情形我也不太清楚。我觉得这简直太糟糕了，女人要是发起飙来，什么样的瞎话她也敢说。可无论她如何低贱，总会有人相信她的话，总会有人将这些丑事传扬出去。依我看，她将梅勒斯先生说成虐待女人的无耻禽兽，实在有些耸人听闻。但人们就是愿意相信别人的坏话，尤其是这类事情。她宣称，只要他活着，就不会让他有好日子过。可让我纳闷的是，如果他当真虐待过她，那她干嘛还要忙不迭地回到他身边呢？可其实，她已经临近更年期，因为她比他大好几岁。这些粗俗恶劣的泼妇，更年期来到的时候，总会变得疯疯癫癫——对于康妮来说，这封信无异于当头一棒。虽然身在异国，但毫无疑问，她也要被卷进这些流言蜚语之中。她很生气，气他连个贝莎·库茨都奈何不得，别价，应该是气他当时不该娶她。或许他真的对下流无耻的东西有所偏好。康妮记起两人共度的最后一晚，不禁心有余悸。他了解那些肉欲的东西，甚至和贝莎·库茨一起体验过！这实在让人恶心。最好能够摆脱他，跟他一刀两断。他或许当真粗俗不堪，下贱无耻。

She had a revulsion against the whole affair, and almost envied the Guthrie girls their gawky inexperience and crude maidenliness. And she now dreaded the thought that anybody would know about herself and the keeper. How unspeakably humiliating! She was weary, afraid, and felt a craving for utter respectability, even for the vulgar and deadening respectability of the Guthrie girls. If Clifford knew about her affair, how unspeakably humiliating! She was afraid, terrified of society and its unclean bite. She almost wished she could get rid of the child again, and be quite clear. In short, she fell into a state of funk.

她对与他的关系充满厌恶，甚至几乎要羡慕起格思里家不谙世事、未经雕琢的姑娘来了。她担心不已，生怕别人知道她跟守林人的事情。那样的羞耻实在无法言喻！她心生厌倦，满腔恐惧，对体面的生活充满渴望，即便像格思里家姑娘那样庸俗不堪，死气沉沉。如果克利福德知道她的私情，她简直能找个地缝钻进去。她对社会充满畏惧，生怕会被冠以淫妇的头衔。她甚至希望能把胎儿打掉，恢复自己的清白之身。总而言之，她陷入了极度恐慌的境地。

As for the scent-bottle, that was her own folly. She had not been able to refrain from perfuming his one or two handkerchiefs and his shirts in the drawer, just out of childishness, and she had left a little bottle of Coty's Wood-violet perfume, half empty, among his things. She wanted him to remember her in the perfume. As for the cigarette-ends, they were Hilda's.

说到香水瓶，那完全是她自己犯傻。她一时冲动，幼稚地往他抽屉里的几条手帕和衬衫上喷了香水，还把一小瓶半空的柯蒂斯·伍德牌紫罗兰香水塞进他的东西里。她希望他能睹物思人。至于烟蒂，则是希尔达留下的。

She could not help confiding a little in Duncan Forbes. She didn't say she had been the keeper's lover, she only said she liked him, and told Forbes the history of the man.

她忍不住向邓肯倾诉起来。她没说自己就是守林人的情妇，只是说很喜欢他，并向福布斯透露了他过往的经历。

"Oh," said Forbes, "you'll see, they'll never rest till they've pulled the man down and done him in. If he has refused to creep up into the middle classes, when he had a chance; and if he's a man who stands up for his own sex, then they'll do him in. It's the one thing they won't let you be, straight and open in your sex. You can be as dirty as you like. In fact the more dirt you do on sex the better they like it. But if you believe in your own sex, and won't have it done dirt to: they'll down you. It's the one insane taboo left: sex as a natural and vital thing. They won't have it, and they'll kill you before they'll let you have it. You'll see, they'll hound that man down. And what's he done, after all? If he's made love to his wife all ends on, hasn't he a right to? She ought to be proud of it. But you see, even a low bitch like that turns on him, and uses the hyena instinct of the mob against sex, to pull him down. You have a snivel and feel sinful or awful about your sex, before you're allowed to have any. Oh, they'll hound the poor devil down.” Connie had a revulsion in the opposite direction now. What had he done, after all? What had he done to herself, Connie, but give her an exquisite pleasure and a sense of freedom and life? He had released her warm, natural sexual flow. And for that they would hound him down.