第十章（第3/34页）

Connie really sometimes felt she would die at this time. She felt she was being crushed to death by weird lies, and by the amazing cruelty of idiocy. Clifford's strange business efficiency in a way over-awed her, and his declaration of private worship put her into a panic. There was nothing between them. She never even touched him nowadays, and he never touched her. He never even took her hand and held it kindly. No, and because they were so utterly out of touch, he tortured her with his declaration of idolatry. It was the cruelty of utter impotence. And she felt her reason would give way, or she would die.

这段时间，康妮觉得有时自己快要活不下去了。那些扭曲的谎言，那些白痴般的残酷举止，都会将她击得粉碎，使她的生命无以为继。克利福德奇诡超凡的商业头脑，让康妮深感震慑，而丈夫口口声声地宣称崇拜自己，更使她觉得惶恐。夫妇情分已经荡然无存。他们再也不会触碰对方的肢体。他甚至再也不会亲昵地握她的手。不，正因为两人间亲密的接触已经不复存在，所以他那番顶礼膜拜的宣言才会令她感到痛苦。那是性无能者的残酷言行。她觉得自己迟早会丧失理智，不然就会性命不保。

She fled as much as possible to the wood. One afternoon, as she sat brooding, watching the water bubbling coldly in John's Well, the keeper had strode up to her.

树林愈发成为她的避难所。某天下午，她坐在约翰井旁，黯然神伤，呆呆看着冰冷的泉水汩汩流出。这时，守林人大步向她走来。

"I got you a key made, my Lady!" he said, saluting, and he offered her the key.

“夫人，我给您配了把钥匙！”他说完，躬身施礼，将钥匙递上。

"Thank you so much!" she said, startled.

“非常感谢！”她说，他冷不防出现让她吃惊非小。

"The hut's not very tidy, if you don't mind," he said. "I cleared it what I could." "But I didn't want you to trouble!" she said. "Oh, it wasn't any trouble. I am setting the hens in about a week. But they won't be scared of you. I s'll have to see to them morning and night, but I shan't bother you any more than I can help.” "But you wouldn't bother me," she pleaded. "I'd rather not go to the hut at all, if I am going to be in the way.” He looked at her with his keen blue eyes. He seemed kindly, but distant. But at least he was sane, and wholesome, if even he looked thin and ill. A cough troubled him.

“屋里挺乱的，还请您别介意，”他说，“我已经尽量打扫过了。”“可我没想给你添麻烦！”她说。“噢，一点不麻烦。我要用一周左右时间，把母鸡们安置好。但它们不会怕您。我早晚都得来照看它们，但我会尽量别吵到您。”“但你不会吵到我，”她言辞恳切，“如果真的会那样，我宁愿永远不去。”他那双天蓝色的双眸紧盯着她，目光依然犀利。他似乎和蔼可亲，但又保持着距离感。但他至少四肢健全，心智健康，虽然看上去清瘦孱弱。他咳嗽起来。

"You have a cough," she said.

“你咳嗽。”她关切地说。

"Nothing—a cold! The last pneumonia left me with a cough, but it's nothing.” He kept distant from her, and would not come any nearer.

“没关系——感冒而已！上次患肺炎落下了咳嗽的毛病，但没有大碍。”他总是刻意与她保持着距离，不愿接近一步。

She went fairly often to the hut, in the morning or in the afternoon, but he was never there. No doubt he avoided her on purpose. He wanted to keep his own privacy.

清晨或午后，她常去小屋，但从未碰到过他。毫无疑问，他是有意回避她。他希望保持那份清静。

He had made the hut tidy, put the little table and chair near the fireplace, left a little pile of kindling and small logs, and put the tools and traps away as far as possible, effacing himself. Outside, by the clearing, he had built a low little roof of boughs and straw, a shelter for the birds, and under it stood the live coops. And, one day when she came, she found two brown hens sitting alert and fierce in the coops, sitting on pheasants' eggs, and fluffed out so proud and deep in all the heat of the pondering female blood. This almost broke Connie's heart. She, herself was so forlorn and unused, not a female at all, just a mere thing of terrors.

他把小屋收拾得干干净净，将小桌和椅子放在壁炉旁，留一小堆引火用的柴枝和木块，工具及兽夹都搁得远远的，尽量抹去自己的痕迹。屋外空地旁，他用树枝和稻草搭了个矮棚，为母鸡们遮风挡雨，棚下摆着鸡笼。之后的一天，她来时发现，笼里添了两支棕色母鸡，正卧在那里孵着雉鸡蛋，显得机警而凶悍。它们骄傲地震颤着自己的羽毛，炽热的雌性本能在血液中奔涌。此情此景，让康妮怅然心碎。她孤苦伶仃，毫无价值，哪里还算得上女人，根本只是个微不足道的可怜鬼。