第六章（第2/12页）

“可你不会因此感到沮丧么？”“为何要沮丧？压根儿没有！看到查理·梅之流偷腥的家伙……我一点儿也不羡慕他们！如果命运使然，让我遇到中意的女子，那再好不过。因为从未有任何女子能令我倾倒……哎，多半是因为我太过冷淡，但对某些异性，我的确极有好感。”“你对我有好感么？”“很有好感！不过，你看，咱俩之间就没发生接吻之类的亲昵行为，对吗？”“当然没有！”康妮说。“可这些难道不应该发生么？”“为什么？以上帝的名义？我同样不反感克利福德，如果我跟他接吻，你会作何感想呢？”“但两者终归存在差别，不是么？”“差别究竟在何处，就拿你我为例？我们都是聪慧之人，从不牵扯男欢女爱。从不涉及到那种事。如果此刻，我表现得像个举止轻佻的浪荡子，张嘴闭嘴大谈性事，你会有何想法？”“我会感到厌恶。”“这不就得了！听我说，如果我当真是如假包换的男子汉，绝对碰不到性情相投的女子。我也不会日思夜盼她的到来，只是保留着对异性的好感。又有谁会勉强我去爱她们，装出堕入情网的模样，只为片刻的欢愉呢？”“不，我不会那样做。但是不是哪里出了问题？”“或许你察觉到什么，但我却意识不到。”“对，我觉得男女间的关系有些异样。对于男人而言，女人不再有任何魅力。”“男人之于女人呢？”变换角度的问法让她陷入沉思。

"Not much," she said truthfully.

“也没什么吸引力。”她坦言。

"Then let's leave it all alone, and just be decent and simple, like proper human beings with one another. Be damned to the artificial sex-compulsion! I refuse it!” Connie knew he was right, really. Yet it left her feeling so forlorn, so forlorn and stray. Like a chip on a dreary pond, she felt. What was the point, of her or anything? It was her youth which rebelled. These men seemed so old and cold. Everything seemed old and cold. And Michaelis let one down so; he was no good. The men didn't want one; they just didn't really want a woman, even Michaelis didn't.

“那么不妨听其自然，做个情操高尚的纯粹之人，真诚得体地对待彼此。至于那些矫揉造作的性爱欲求，就让它们见鬼去吧！我不会与之有任何干系！”康妮清楚他说的的确在理。但她却深感凄清孤寂，惆怅迷惘。好似荒凉池塘中摇摆的草芥。她或者是其他任何事物，存在的意义又是什么呢？体内的青春气息不甘屈服，奋起抗争。这些男人们都显得苍老而又冷酷。万事万物也似乎都陈腐且寡然无味。米凯利斯伤透女人的心，他实在不是理想的对象。男人不愿跟女人纠缠，他们对异性无甚兴趣，甚至连米凯利斯都是如此。

And the bounders who pretended they did, and started working the sex game, they were worse than ever.

而那些装作沉浸其中、好为性事的下流胚，更是不可原谅。

It was just dismal, and one had to put up with it. It was quite true, men had no real glamour for a woman: if you could fool yourself into thinking they had, even as she had fooled herself over Michaelis, that was the best you could do. Meanwhile you just lived on and there was nothing to it. She understood perfectly well why people had cocktail parties, and jazzed, and Charlestoned till they were ready to drop. You had to take it out some way or other, your youth, or it ate you up. But what a ghastly thing, this youth! You felt as old as Methuselah, and yet the thing fizzed somehow, and didn't let you be comfortable. A mean sort of life! And no prospect! She almost wished she had gone off with Mick, and made her life one long cocktail party, and jazz evening. Anyhow that was better than just mooning yourself into the grave.

这确实令人沮丧，但除了忍受也别无他法。千真万确，对女人来说，男人全无吸引力可言：若你掩耳盗铃，幻想他们依然魅力非凡，甚至像康妮那样被米凯利斯蒙蔽双眼，这倒也是自我安慰的妙招。但即使如此，你仍只是浑噩度日，生活依然空洞虚无。她彻底弄明白，人们为何流连鸡尾酒会，醉心爵士乐，狂跳查尔斯顿舞，直到精疲力竭，才肯罢休。你得想尽方法挥霍自己的青春，否则就只能被它活活吞噬。青春多么地可怕呀！你感觉自己如玛士撒拉（注：《圣经·创世记》中的人物,据传享年９６９岁）般老态龙钟，但那东西却在体内翻腾奔涌，使你不得安生。何等庸碌的生活啊！看不到半点希望！她甚至后悔当初没跟米克一走了之，将生活变成声色犬马的无尽长夜。那也比虚度光阴，郁郁而终要强。

On one of her bad days she went out alone to walk in the wood, ponderously, heeding nothing, not even noticing where she was. The report of a gun not far off startled and angered her.